If you’ve been happily married for a long time but eventually took the divorce road, it could be that dating is the last thing on your mind right now. Studies show that it takes nearly 3 years to recover from a divorce; if you’ve been married over 10 years, the amount of time to recover is at least half of those years. Going through divorce is detrimental to the emotional well being of a person; some end in a continuous spiral of depression, while others struggle just to get by in life. It seems like for the divorcee, there just wasn’t anything about a life worth living for anymore. Properties are divided, children take turns between you and the husband, the new life adjustments you must make, then having to explain to everyone what went wrong, the sudden feeling of loneliness, the guilt feeling that you’ve failed your ex and your children. These will obviously occupy your mind night and day. No wonder you’re stuck feeling worthless at the very least.
If you find yourself in that mental state, let me tell you that you have inflicted that onto yourself. You need to get out of that emotional bondage by trusting that everything that happen works out for good. In essence, you need to go out to meet new people. This is very important and helpful in your recovery. Is this not what your friends are trying to tell you too?
Start by accepting that things happen for a reason
There is nothing new to this adage “everything happens for a reason”. If you start to accept that this is so then things become much easier to bear. Suddenly you no longer feel the guilt of failing, knowing that everyone involved in the divorce can learn a lot from it, including you. Restarting your life by first accepting the situation you are in will help you find the reasons to continue to hope that something good will come out of the situation.
Decide to make yourself feel better
This means not shutting yourself out from friends and families, including a potential love interest. Only a good, healthy and steady relationship with loves ones can help you get out of your “blues”. If you accept their love and attention, you’ll start to realize that a lost love in marriage is not exactly the end of the world. Once you have these thoughts imprinted on your mind, then giving yourself the pleasure of improving the way you look becomes easy. Have a new haircut, change your wardrobe, learn to wear sexy stilettos and get a regular facial. Giving yourself a new look forces you to look past the no-good look you once had. And the more beautiful you get, the more fully recovered you’ll feel and look.
Take a quick review of what’s latest in the dating scene
True, the last memory of your single self was some 15 years ago and a lot has changed in the dating scene – new trends, new language, the cool and uncool, is it better to date younger men or men your age – you sure don’t want to appear awkward with issues like this.
Consider online dating services
You might just be underestimating what online dating services can do for you but so you’d know a lot of successful relationships are product of online dating services. In fact this is a good start for you; this will allow you to meet new people (with real date potential) without being succumbed to the pressures of a physical date right away, especially when you’re not yet ready. An online dating service will help you “find” a match for the kind of guy you want to date. With online dating services, you can text chat or do voice chats, you can exchange emails or look through each other’s online album without having to commit to anything. You can actually screen the recommended “matches” by the online dating service and decide to see them or not to see them. This is your great way to “test” the waters before plunging “into” the water
Go for it!
Ok, it’s understandable that you need a little time to get comfortable going out on a real date, but make sure you’ve not been taking forever to do this. You need to go out somehow; that’s the only way to know how well you can do this or whether you’re ready to take this date to the next level. You just have to remember that you’re not being pressured to take this first date (again) too seriously. This is just a process that you have to go through to give you the assurance that you are living normally again.
Dating after a divorce may look like a desperate move to get hooked up. Some people may not understand it at first. But in reality, dating again will force you to rid of bitterness and anger, to trust again and best of all, to move forward.