If you and your partner are just new in the relationship, chances are you’re both still adjusting to each other’s personality. And chances are too that you are now arguing more often than before. The good news is that this is just normal of any new relationship. Let’s say this “stage” is just part of the relationship’s growing pains. Some arguments are considered healthy, especially when it helps clear the air between the two of you or iron out some issues. But some arguments mean to hurt and are often just displays of power play.
There is no relationship that always wants to deal with an argument. This is especially true with a new relationship when both partners are still very much “in love”. That feeling is good; but the constant argument may already be putting a strain on the relationship. Bad arguments hinder good communication between couples instead of building harmony together. Some arguments are not even necessary, wasting valuable energy and time. In order to avoid painful confrontations with your partner, work on these advises:
Find out what the root cause of the argument is
At the start of a relationship, some petty quarrels seem “cute”, especially when the woman is trying to get your attention. But if this becomes a pattern, always leading to unnecessary arguments then this is no longer acceptable. It’s very frustrating when your partner seems to want to brew a fight with you and you’re just not in the mood. Stay calm and don’t bite back. You have all the right reasons to ignore her if her arguments are pointless. Instead, let her cool down a little bit then ask the question “May I know what made you feel (or act) that way?”. If you’ll ask this in a mild manner, she will have no reason to throw a fit for you and would be forced to calm down herself.
Communicate instead of “riding along” her moods to fight. This certainly wouldn’t help. By asking her what went wrong, you’re showing her you take her feelings seriously and are willing to talk it out to make her feel better.
Don’t just hear but listen
This is probably one reason why women continue to argue with men. They say men simply “don’t get it”. Unfortunately, they are right in this view. Men are poor listeners when it comes to relationships, so to speak. Sometimes the reason why women throw a whim is because of something they have already told their partners to either do or not do but still failed to comply or follow. Then when women start bringing up issues that were once already been discussed, men are dumbfounded. If men are just good listeners, then they will always remember what annoy their partners and that they won’t do that anymore. Remember, healthy communication starts with good listening.
Practice discretion and tact
If you need to take active participation in an argument (but hoping it will not blow out of proportion), practice discrete and tact. This means you should be careful with what comes out of your mouth. Sure, you want to say what’s on your mind and hope she’ll stop and think for a while. But in the heat of an argument, even the most sincere of thoughts are met with hostility if they were verbally delivered in a manner that’s bitter, painful insulting or humiliating. In this case, don’t expect to win the argument nor for it to stop. Don’t ever fall prey of your high-strung emotions because sometimes we tend to say things that we regret later. As much as possible, learn to zip your lip until she has calmed down a little. This is so much better than trying to outdo each other by blowing your tops.
No matter how bad the argument, be willing to patch up
Don’t let an argument brew longer than it should. After both of you have already said what you need to say to each other, always exchange apologies. And both of you have totally cooled down, discuss the argument very lightly. You’ll both be surprised (and maybe laugh about it) to find out that the very same issue you just argued about can be discussed and settled in a very civil and tactful manner.
Couples argue just about anything — kids, work, financial responsibilities even petty jealousy – but don’t let any of these be a reason to argue and bring hostility to your relationship. Know that any disagreements and differences in a relationship can be settled if only couples are willing to talk them out in a way that will not cause bitterness and pain.