One of the most annoying things that can happen to your new relationship is when your girlfriend still fondly talks about her ex-boyfriend. There may be two sides to this. One, she may still be in love with the ex and two, she hates him completely. Whatever is the reason, one thing is for sure: she has not moved forward with the idea of her ex.
For you, a new relationship means starting over. There are men out there that really respect their current girlfriends by not talking about their ex. If you are already doing well in your current relationship then it is not even right for you to be thinking about your ex, daydreaming about her, or harbor any resentment if in case your relationship didn’t turn out well. It is not necessary for you anymore to give your ex, space in your mind, let alone still talk about her. Your focus now must be to your current partner – no more, no less.
And now, with your current girlfriend you are experiencing that problem because she talks about her ex to no end. Seems like she is not sensitive enough to your feelings and couldn’t see through you that it makes you feel so uncomfortable. You keep wondering why she is doing this when you are trying your best to not let even a word about your ex escape your lips. Whether she still loves him or despises him, you no longer care – you just want these talks to stop.
Practice your rights in the relationship
Be bold and tell her straight that you no longer feel comfortable hearing her discuss her ex; tell her that these talks gives you that feeling of disrespect. But understand that she might not be aware that she’s doing this so often that it’s already irritating you. She may not be doing this on purpose too. But whatever her reasons are for doing so, simply tell her that it has to stop. If how you tell her makes her feel like you’re accusing her of not being over her ex, then expect her to act defensively, because nobody wants to admit that they’re still not over the ex. So do it with tact and don’t be confrontational. Just say you acknowledge her old flame (whether good or bad) but always bringing it up will not even do anything good for your relationship.
Is she still actively connected with her ex?
Even if her ex is a co-worker this shouldn’t post any threat or issue in the relationship if your girlfriend herself will not allow it. Let your girlfriend know that she should only maintain a professional relationship with her ex, giving no hints of flirting. The same goes if her ex is someone she actively sees because they belong perhaps to a community or sports group, or maybe the ex is a relative of her best friend. Surely you can’t instantly ask her to cut her connections. Doing so may imply that you don’t trust her or that you are insecure yourself. Just make sure she understands her boundaries when it comes to dealing with her ex.
Make her feel special
You cannot discount the possibility that when she talks about her ex, she is hinting on some good things that she misses about him. Could it be you are not giving her enough attention or care? Could it be you’re missing out on some obligations yourself that is called for in your relationship? Maybe this is her way of telling you to “treat me better” or at least “treat me right”. This is not to say you should “compete” with the ex – it’s more like competing with a ghost. But it would be a good reason for you to check yourself if you are doing your part in the relationship. Are you there when she needs someone to talk to? Are you letting her in the loop in all your happenings even if she’s not part of it? Do you pay her compliments for her good work or good looks? Do you share with her dreams and goals? Do you make an effort to take her to places to have a great time? Women are women; they will always want to be swept off their feet. Have you done anything to make her feel this way lately?
The truth is, casual talk about the ex is not a bad thing. The only time it becomes annoying is when you are starting to feel a little jealous. If this is how you feel then maybe you are, indeed, not treating her right. If on the other hand you’re confident about how you’re treating her then the ex should not have a part in your relationship.