When you decide to get into a relationship you allow yourself to accept the other person for what she is, including her past. Likewise, the need to care for each other comes with the package – things like caring for the other person physically, emotionally and yes, even financially. If you’re the type of guy who’s generous, willing to impress a girl with lavish spending on dates and gifts, then don’t be surprised when the girl you like hanging out with you for the sole purpose of the pleasure you give her. Sure, money may not be an issue to you, still, you don’t want it to be the reason why a girl sticks with you, after all you’re not “buying” into the company – you’re buying on the probability that this can blossom into a wonderful and long term relationship.
But for some strange reasons, people around you are seeing a different side of this girl you are going out with. They say she is turning you into a cash cow. The funny thing is, you seem to agree at some point. So you’re now torn because you really like this girl. If she is indeed money-hungry then how would you know exactly; and if you’ve established that she is, how do you help her change for the better?
Have a clear understanding of what a gold digger is
No one agrees to get into a relationship without keeping his or her financial security in mind. This aspect of a relationship is equally important along with emotional security. Didn’t the adage say “when money problems step in, love flies off the window”? So, as a first step, never take it against your girl if she’s making sure you can take care of her when both of you agrees to take your relationship to the next level. In our book this is not being a gold digger at all, most especially if she has means of income herself and she displays a positive working attitude.
Take a cue on her financial health
Do you happen to notice when you’re shopping together and she hands her credit card to the cashier only to be told that the bank has suspended her account. Innocently, she then hands over another card and the same is told. Out of further embarrassment, you come to her rescue. Is this a common scenario lately? Card suspension may mean she’s maxed out her credit already or maybe because she’s unable to pay even her minimum amount due. We all know that a stain in your credit card account means bad financial reputation. If even with a steady flow of income she ends up in debt, find out what the reasons could be. Is she spending beyond her means, is she bad in managing her finances? If so, could it be that she’s looking for someone that will bring her out of her financial mess?
She lets you in on her struggles to pay her own bills
Did she miss paying her bill again this month? Is her car at risk again of being repossessed? Did she really fall into some bad times or did she bring this on herself? Some girls are just compulsive spenders, as if math never existed. They can’t seem to tell the difference between “can afford” and “can’t afford”; for them the cash on their hands should not stay there for long. But rather than keeping this cash away to pay for the essentials, they’d spend them on another item they probably don’t even need.
Find out how materially-attached she is
The only way to find out is to innocently give her a scenario – questions like “if you need to sell your stuff to pay your mounting bills, would you do it?” or “can you manage not to shop for anything for a year?” – her instant reactions are the giveaways, especially at how appalled she’ll be at the idea of giving up her luxuries. Is she defending her choices, and if yes, how reasonable are they? Women like this have a tendency to adhere to self-denial, not wanting to confront the real money issues they are trapped in.
Help in “undoing” the gold-digging mentality
Unless you really care for each other and you know that your girl may have a tendency to depend too much on you financially, you can actually help her get out of this negative mental framework. Talk to her honestly and tell her that there is no doubt you want to help her financially. But allowing her to be too dependent on you is actually doing her a disservice; it is not really helping at all. Instead help her in managing her money wisely by introducing her basic types of investments, teaching her to have fun the frugal way and even teach her a different mindset about being satisfied with the bare minimum and the things in life that are priceless.
Once she’s realized that you’ve accepted her despite this bad attitude and is even willing to help her get out of her financial rut, she’ll be very grateful and loyal to you.